What a Day.

I woke up in a serious mood after spending a lot of wakeful minutes thinking about future fostering situations.

I couldn’t quite shake the down feeling I had, but took the kids for a walk.

We found sprinklers on at our neighborhood field and dove in! Something I had been hoping we could do this summer.

I got a phone call from a social worker that cancelled out the happiness I felt after a phone call from a case manager on Friday. I was still hanging onto Friday’s glory…no longer.

We spent the morning in limbo about whether Midge would have her parent visitations today. I spent some mental energy figuring out who could pick up whom and where they could drop them off if my visitation driving times had to change.

I got a phone call from Midge’s mom that made me sad for her. We talked for quite a while and I realized yet again that we privileged types have no idea about the kind of chaos and trials that go on in the lives of others who are less privileged.

We went to a birthday party at the boys’ favorite party place. Midge’s visit was cancelled so I decided to spend the extra party time at the mall nearby.

I realized how much the mall just doesn’t do it for me anymore. We ended up spending $8 on boys’ shorts and candy to top Tyler’s yogurt sundae. I felt proud of my self-control.

We joined up with the party again for yogurt. Midge thought reaching into the nearby dirt and then reaching into our shared yogurt cup was a good idea. I didn’t agree.

We drove home and while Midge napped in the carseat, the boys played some computer games when we got home. Tyler has a computer addiction that we are still trying to figure out how to deal with. They each get 6 hours a week of screen time, including the 20 minute show they watch with Daddy every morning. Maybe a few more weeks of Tyler using up his time before the weekend will help him learn to control himself.

I was feeling emotionally spent from the various conversations with case managers, parents and social workers, and I almost called Greg to pick up dinner on the way home.

We went in the backyard and blew bubbles. Jake asked me if I “have a junk pile” he could look through for supplies to make inventions. He and Tyler got into inventing with old hangers, painters tape, and a box of odds and ends I’ve been saving for this exact purpose. It feels good when you’ve been packratting to feed your kids’ imaginations and it pays off.

I decided to make something for dinner out of the sorry contents of our fridge. Leftover pasta from lunch. Tofu. Carrots. Half a red onion. So I cut up the tofu and pressed it. Meanwhile, I sliced up the vegetables and sauteed them with some white wine vinegar, olive oil, butter, a dash of cayenne, and salt, and set them aside. Then I marinated the tofu in soy sauce after it pressed for 15 minutes or so. I heated the pasta in the vegetable pan, adding a lemon and some more butter and letting the pasta sizzle a bit. I tried to toast some almond slices and failed. But at least I didn’t burn them like I usually do. I roasted the tofu at 450 degrees for 20 minutes or so, but I forgot to grease the pan. I tossed the tofu, vegetables, and pasta and served it with some orange slices.

Miraculously, it turned out delicious! That was the high note that I needed to end the day on. Now the boys are playing with their inventions (some kind of alarm clock with a string attached, along with a grappling hook and a few other things.) Greg is putting Midge to bed.

Tomorrow we will have both the case manager and the social worker over and the three of us will be together for the first time, trying to get on the same page with who has told what to whom and where this is all headed.

I think I am headed for a nice decaf mocha and some t.v. with my hubby.

This morning I was reading about Paul who was imprisoned but was telling the Philippians that he had learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I was wondering if I could ever learn to lean on God enough to do that. And today I realized that if I just change from saying, “I can’t do this” on a hard day, to saying “I am doing this!” then that will be a small victory. I can do all things (even be content during hard times, like Paul was when he wrote this) through Christ who strengthens me.

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2 thoughts on “What a Day.

  1. the fact that “you are doing it’ speaks volumes about you and your Faith. Those not in the adoption world can’t fathom all that we go through but having learned a lot about fostering, I know what you are doing is totally selfless. I haved adopted twice and looked into fostering but I don’t know if I could do what you are doing. The unknown is so scary to me. Keep the faith and keep to your “calling”

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