Light falls.

feeling lost
in the whirl of the game of tag and the swipe of the counter
spending my time reading about others who live
and forgetting to live myself.
wishing something else for myself with a house full of wonderful things and the most wonderful of them all…
laughter.
guilty.

standing in the street as the boys ride away
the street so wide and the sky dim and blue
with heavy clouds waiting to burst when the night rides in.

inside
where the fireplace could bring warmth in so many ways
i choose the office
cold
stark
escaping into someone else’s world.
falling apart
and knowing
that it is a normal
and necessary part
of this life we live as lovers of little ones.

the ebb and flow of the laundry
like the rhythm of the days…
long and impossible,
and short, bursting with sweetness.
those are the days when i dream in fabric
sewn as ruffles on dresses
over cloth diapers on a perfectly pudgy only dreamt-of daughter.

the days like today only convince me to get into bed and sleep
and wait
because tomorrow will be a joyful one,
i just know it.
for when it’s so tough that you burst out in tears
that’s when the light falls just so from the window

and you turn around

and smile.

I wrote this a few days ago after a particularly hard day…you know the ones? Of course, there’s progress in the fact that I knew even at the time that the next day would be better, and of course, it was. But the important thing is that I’ve identified something that was keeping my life out of balance…the absence of art. I know, not everyone understands the way I need to create to keep my heart healthy, but it’s definitely the way I was made. On the night of this poem, I dropped everything and fled to the sewing room and made the boys some ridiculously girly, yet cute, beach pants. Just to get my hands and my heart on some fabric. I felt so much better.

So thankful to have found Shona Cole’s The Artistic Mother and a few other like-minded bloggers to join in on her 12 week art course. Would anyone else like to join us? Shona is giving away a copy of her book on her blog, so if you’re an artistic sort, do check it out. I’m off to draw birds with the boys now…Aunt Krissy left the most wonderful photo book called Extreme Birds that’s been inspiring us. I’ll share the drawings when we’re finished. And I’ll be posting my new artistic vision statement along with some long and short term goals soon. Who ever thought of goal making in your art life? I didn’t, and you know how I love a good list…

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3 thoughts on “Light falls.

  1. i don’t think i’ve ever commented on your blog, but i’ve been reading for some time. you know the feeling when something has been brewing inside you and you just can’t contain the inspiration and then you wake up and find that another blogger has written about the same exact thing? that’s me. and that’s you, the blogger. i JUST stumbled across that book, artistic mother, last night at b&n. been thinking about it ever since. i, too, must create daily to feed my soul. i can’t wait to hop over there and see what’s up. i want in! i want in!

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