Winter Blahs on a Summery Day.

Greg and I are both spent. He has taken over for the day after I’ve finished school drop offs, pickups, lots and lots of laundry that made it into piles by family member but no further than that, some time in the backyard enjoying the beautiful wisteria blooming on this sunny (80’s) week we’re having, building some lego ships with both boys, playing Candy Land and Sorry with Tyler, a little chase around the kitchen, entertaining a baby at a two hour baseball game (actually way easier than last week!), and choosing the snack bar for dinner to save some sanity. Ahhh…I’m done. I look back at the day and it really wasn’t a bad day…lots of great little moments. But our minds are weighing heavy today and even the great weather and time outside can’t shake it.

Today was the court date for Midge’s transfer to a neighboring county. I suppose we’ll find out what happened whenever her new social worker gets around to calling us. Greg and I are both feeling very blah about the whole thing. Whatever happened today, we’re on the losing end of it. I told a friend today that fostering really seems like a lose-lose situation. Either she’ll be transferred to a new foster family in the new county (which our case manager doesn’t think will happen) or she’ll stay with us and we’ll now be responsible for twice as many hours of visitation as we were before. Which already sucked. And I don’t use that word lightly.

We had a conversation with our case manager on Tuesday and I was able to express my biggest frustration with fostering…I know how to parent Midge well. I know what she needs at any given time and I know how to keep her happy and well rested and keep her from burnout. I know what I should be doing to nurture her best, yet I can’t do it. With her visitations she’s always missing naps and getting cranky and eating at the wrong times (bio parents love to feed their babies!). And the complaints/orders from her parents force me to be an overprotective paranoid parent, which is definitely not my style. Not being able to do what I know I should do is the worst part. Well, that and having to give her back after being her family for a year, but I’m not even ready to go there in my mind yet.

Tonight I’m going to put the girl to bed and then head out to the local bookstore and then the ice cream shop. Then when the boys are in bed I’ll come home and rest with my hubby. And we’ll just be blah together. Sometimes there’s no solution to the problems we face, we just have to pray for God to carry our burdens, turn around and face the day, and just keep trudging along.

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