It’s been three weeks since I posted that I’d had enough of my current attitude in relation to our circumstances. I’m writing tonight to tell you that I have turned a corner. We began our journey into becoming foster parents two years ago this month. And I know that God was working in our hearts to bring us there even before that.
He has a plan. We hung onto that when we had the little boys during our first crazy/intense/unsustainable month of fostering (yes! those are the same boys that still hold my heart firmly in their grip and have made amazing strides since going to their long term foster family.) We hung onto the knowledge that God has a plan in those first six months of fostering Midge when we were hopelessly in love and it looked like there was no possibility of adoption. Even after the tides changed last summer, we still hung tight onto God and His sovereignty over the situation for many months more.
And then I stopped hanging onto it. When the January court date brought a five month extension for Midge’s birth parents and an unexpected change of counties (again), I was deflated. Tired of it all. Weary of hanging on to the edge of a steep cliff. Ready to give up, and at the same time knowing (guiltily) that it was the worst possible feeling to hang onto.
God has worked in my heart and my life this month. Dramatically. For three weeks I have handled phone calls without letting it affect the rest of my day. I have supervised parent visits and smiled through compliance visits with various workers. In the morning when the calls come in from parents confirming future visitations, I accept it and move on with my schedule accordingly.
The main thing is that I tell myself: THIS IS THE DAY GOD HAS FOR ME. He knew I’d be driving an overtired girl to a far away visitation at an inconvenient time, in traffic. He knew that I’d dread, but get through, the meeting I have today. He knew that my paperwork would mound up and I’d not want to finish it during my evening wind down time with Greg. He knew it all, yet this particular experience is the one that He planned for my life today.
I am finding strength through the valley. I am not allowing my own worries and fears cloud my everyday life with my three children. I can listen to them laugh and play with them and teach them, knowing that God has the future planned out. And He has my present planned out, too. Thanks be to God for His indescribable gifts.
In the first days of turning this mental corner, I created the Psalm 91 graphic above. It can be clicked on and printed in 4×6 if you like. The background is from Nancy Rowe Janitz at JessicaSprague.com. If you have any trouble with it, email me and I can help you out.