Too Long.

It’s been almost three weeks since we have seen our baby girl, and for the two weeks prior to that, we only saw her briefly with her dad after church. That’s five weeks since I’ve had a sweet hour or two with her alone. Her dad’s phone has been disconnected and he hasn’t answered my email. (I waited two weeks before I called him, and another few days before I emailed him.) Imagine knowing your baby who thinks you’re her mama is out there with someone else and you don’t even know if they’re taking good care of her or if you’ll ever see her again. I can’t bear that. Just when I think I’ve handed her over to God’s care (again), I hit moments like this. This really is too hard.

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5 thoughts on “Too Long.

  1. I know. I wish I had something better to say, but I’m in the same boat you are. I was listening to the radio yesterday and the song “Even If” by Kutless came on. The whole song had me in tears, but the chorus was really meaningful and really hard at the same time:
    Even if the healing doesn’t come
    And life falls apart
    And dreams are still undone
    You are God, You are good
    Forever faithful One
    Even if the healing
    Even if the healing doesn’t come.

    I can’t even put this here without crying. It is true, but it is so much easier to say than to feel. God is good and always will be. It’s just getting though this sin-filled world and life and not only suffering ourselves, but watching those we love suffer that is very nearly unbearable.

    Know I am still praying for you. And for her.

  2. Dear Linn,

    My heart goes out to you. I can’t imagine suddenly having one of my children be taken away from me to be raised by another. I don’t know that grief. I have my own but not of that exact sort. I am going through something a little different. I suffer from miscarriages. I’ve had four. I am expecting again but it’s too early to know if things are okay. It’s terrifying and heart breaking. I feel like I have four children I’ve never met. I can’t imagine how much worse it would be to have held them, known them and shared life with them and then have them withdrawn. I am praying so hard for you. I know that the same kind of peace that comes from our all mighty God that has gotten me through my own situations will be there for you too though. I hope you are able to make contact with her soon. I will be praying for her and you and yours. May he carry you through these next trying days and may you feel his presence and love.

    In Christ,
    Kelly

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