Crazy with Anticipation

We finally got to talk to the aunt of the foster kids we’ve been matched with! I’ll call her Tia. We’re going to meet them on Tuesday night and will have a chance to talk with their aunt about the case and see if everyone’s ready to move forward with the match. Mostly, that means are WE ready to bring them home? After losing Midge and seeing how hard that was on us and the boys, we are trying to be careful about the next placement. We agreed easily on our parameters, and these kids meet them all, even a few things we were hoping for but didn’t express to our agency. But their parents are still in the picture, and anyone in foster care knows that means the case is still up in the air. Everyone can try to predict what will happen, but if rights haven’t been terminated and visits are still happening, you just never know.

On the other hand, the county doesn’t usually terminate rights unless the kids have a family willing to adopt them, or if the case involves such severe abuse or neglect that there is no question of them returning to their parents. So the odds of us getting kids with absolutely no parent involvement are pretty slim, especially in the age range we’re looking at. The two kids we’ve been matched with have been lucky enough to be living with an aunt for their whole time away from their parents. What a blessing…there’s still the trauma of being removed from your parents, but at least you know the people you’re moving in with. And there is none of the emotional damage of hopping from foster placement to foster placement.

Tia sounded really nice on the phone, but overwhelmed and feeling guilty for putting the kids into foster care. She works full time and is a single mom to her teenager, grade schooler, and toddler, as well as these two kiddos for much of the past year and a half. She hasn’t told the kids or their parents yet that she plans on giving them up. What heart breaking conversations those will be…poor Tia. My heart goes out to her. Trying to be everything to everyone while working to keep your kids and your brother’s kids cared for…what a tough life. I assured her that if they are placed with us, we would keep the kids in touch with her and her children.

And what about the two who may come to us? They are removed from their parents and move in with Tia, then move back in with their dad then get removed again. Go back to live with Tia and then out of the blue she’s going to have them move in with strangers? I wish we had a longer time frame to get to know them and let them get to know us before springing this all on them. Poor little ones.

I am crazy with anticipation…I don’t know how I’m going to focus on anything else for the next two days! I have to admit, I’ve been searching the internet hoping to catch a glimpse of this family whose lives we are going to be entering this week in one way or another. Maybe the match won’t work out, but even if it doesn’t, there’s something strange and wonderful about how just getting a peek into these lives brings about more compassion than I’ve ever known for strangers.

Will you pray with us for Tia and the kiddos? This is going to be a heart-breaking week for all three of them. If only there were no such thing as broken families, abuse, neglect, and foster care.

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6 thoughts on “Crazy with Anticipation

  1. I am so excited for you too, yet also with a breaking heart for this family. I know that you must be so wary of a repeat situation like you had with Midge, but from everything you have shared it seems clear that God is giving the green light. I know that sometimes we can still be hesitant because God asks hard things of us at times (you and I have both experienced this already). Ultimately, though, it is better to be in His will and in a tough spot than out of His will under any circumstances. Can’t wait to hear how your interactions on Tuesday go. Is there any way you can stretch the transition out? Or does Tia have a time crunch for needed them to be placed? I agree – slower is often better, especially if the kids have no idea this is coming. Our kids had been prepared and waiting for their forever family for a very long time, and so we had a very short transition and it was fine. Ideally, though, I feel like longer is often better. But sometimes not! I guess this is where the prayer comes in. I’ll be praying for you as well as Tia and the kids – I can’t imagine the emotional trauma they will all be going through as this materializes. Blessings to you!

    • I agree…a longer transition time would be ideal. Unfortunately, the social worker needs to get them moved right away, because their 18 month hearing is coming up in 3.5 weeks. If the kids move in with us this weekend, that will be a few weeks of settling in time before the social worker needs to report to the judge about their current status. From what they’ve told us (and you know we don’t always trust that!) they’d like to set the 2-6 hearing to terminate parents’ rights, but unless they’re in a concurrent planning adoptive home, they won’t do that. Since the social worker doesn’t predict reunification, she’d like to move forward with the transition quickly enough that they can set that hearing when they go to court in a few weeks. I wish the timeframe was more ideal, but we’ll just do the best we can and hope to see the kids twice before they move in.

  2. I will be praying for all of you. You have been through some tough stuff but you heart is still full for children who need you and for the aunt who is making such a difficult choice. May you feel His peace quiet your anticipation and may His grace ease this transition.

  3. Today I just had a new boy (3rd grade) come to our school with a very complex past. His old RSP teacher told me when I talked to her ” Please take care of this sweet boy” I am so thankful I can assure her that our school will be doing our best to do just that. We will be praying with you!

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